But what I've seen over the past few days is a discontent in my heart, a hardness towards my Savior, a lack of trust in His goodness and grace. Really, I've seen that over the past months, but I guess it's seemed to surface more with the intensity of changing surroundings. It's been the weirdest time of my life. My heart runs after things that don't satisfy and desires what may be good at a time but what God has not initiated now.
I pray that God would use all of my empty longings to thrust me into dependence on Him, acknowledging my powerlessness, weakness, and ignorance, and recognizing His Lordship, sufficiency, and consistency; that I would look at the cross and be satisfied; that there, my pride, plans, and love of sin would fall seeing the surpassing greatness of God's alternative.
I came across this quote tonight- certainly no coincidence:
"God never witholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better." -Elisabeth Elliot
and I'm reminded of the verse inside my purity ring:
"Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
-Psalm 27:14
I know this has been weird, vulnerable, and kind of vague, but if you happen to read this, say a prayer- for me and for yourself, to desire God more than what we desire at the time, to surround ourselves with His truth, and rest knowing that we can trust the God who created everything we see and don't see.
